Dear Santa,
Here is a Christmas list for baseball and softball hitters:
- A batting helmet with built-in speakers connected to a play list of favorite “psych” songs
- A colorful pair of batting gloves to distract and intimidate pitchers
- Eye glasses for home plate umpires who call too many strikes
- Sliding shorts without padding, because sliding is not necessary after hitting a home run
- A stick of eye black to write “love notes” to pitchers on the bat
- A bat that can be blamed after hitting a pop-up or into a double play
- Extra absorbent wrist bands to wipe away the tears of opposing pitchers after a long home run
- A bat weight that makes a loud laughing sound to entertain the crowd
- Pine tar for a better grip on the bat and to play practical jokes on teammates
- Bubble gum to chew loudly to annoy catchers into calling the wrong pitch.
Thanks, Santa! Merry Christmas!